Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
