Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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