Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
