yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh god it's open bar.
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