So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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