im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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