If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
