the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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