my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
