Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you never un-have a 4some
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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