my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
