Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is it penis luge time yet?
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Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
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... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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