Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
