my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
