I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
