WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He has the fingertips of a God
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