just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
