You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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