Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
