I am in a vortex of obligation.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
