Will you blow on my dice?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
