the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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