why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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