Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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