ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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