i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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