I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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