bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
