Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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