hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
