This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
