My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
