areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
