I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
