Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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