and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
