addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You were trust falling into bushes
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
