I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
