I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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