Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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