We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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