just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize