Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
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She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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