I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
