It's Friday. Sex?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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