Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
