I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
