too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
