i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
