its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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