The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
