I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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