i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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