theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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