Im at strip club and am horny
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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