Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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