I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
