It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
