I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
