I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
