i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
