note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
