my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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