Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
