Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
