Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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