how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
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Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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